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Sexual Harassment isn't about sex! It's about POWER


I was recently on a plane back to Los Angeles from San Francisco.  Towards the end of the flight, the man in the middle seat and I starting chatting.When he asked what I did, I told him I had a consulting firm that worked with company cultures.  And that we specialized in sexual harassment issues.  He shook his head and said, “I don’t understand sexual harassment.” At first, I thought he meant he didn’t understand how any one could sexual harass someone. But upon further questioning what he really meant was,  "I don’t understand how it can even happen."

I was a little dumbfounded.  He was 30 years old, white and male from Chicago. He seemed relatively intelligent and very polite.  And I started thinking about what sexual harassment really is and how it could be hard to understand.  But I realized the word "sexual" catches every one's attention and that distracts them from the truth.  The truth is that sexual harassment is the act of a bully.  Just like bullies found in the school yard. Bullies want to feel powerful over others, so they can feel good about themselves.  It is usually someone with low self-esteem and a mean streak.  When you realize this you realize that in order to sexually harass someone you must hold some form of power or control over them. And that is what makes sexual harassment an issue.  If a guy that I work with asks me out and he doesn’t have any control over my pay, my job, my life, then it’s relatively easy to say no.  Or even, yes.  But the real problem is about where the power lies.  Without that control, there is no leverage and then there is no sexual harassment.  I think the reason this man didn’t understand sexual harassment is that he predominately feels like he is in a position of power.  And so – it’s seems simple, why can’t these women just say no?

A few months ago, Eric Trump said, “Powerful women like his sister don’t tolerate sexual harassment” and he was attacked by many for the statement.  I was one of the attackers. I felt like his statement implied that if a women was sexually harassed it was her fault because she was weak. But  after really thinking through the issue I think he was somewhat right when he said powerful women don't tolerate sexual harassment.  A more accurate statement would be, "Powerful women don't have to tolerate sexual harassment.  If they have money, ownership and control then they are in the position of power.   For instance, Ms. Trump has the authority to fire people ,the money to choose not to work with someone and the influence to keep others from working with them.  Without those controls, you are left in fear when the bully is in front of you.


Sexual harassment is about power. It’s that simple.  

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