Where are the men?

I feel like it's getting hard to read the news and see all of the people that are being accused as harassers.  But imagine all of the people they have harassed and what it must be like for them.  And that's when it all gets heavier.  It feels like all men are bad.  But that isn't true.  Men have had the luxury of not having to worry about what they say and do because of their positions and because we as a society like to grant reprieve's based on generational issues.  I do it. But we have to stop.  In order to really make the changes that clearly need to be made, we have to talk about the uncomfortable issues.  And we have to allow men to ask questions - even if we as women think they should know the answers.  Because they may not.  But if they are asking, then they are stepping onto the road of growing and evolving and working towards the behavior we want to have happen.  We can't banish all men as bad.  We can, but then what do we do?  We need to hold those that are conducting themselves in a harassing manner accountable.  And then we need to talk to everyone else.  Because that is how we move forward. 

When I was harassed, everyone said don't talk about it.  Even now, people tell me that.  But if we don't talk about it, it can't change.  And things have to change.  Burying our heads in the sand or deciding that one gender is the enemy is not the way to make the world better.  And if we do that.  If we decide to not have women in the workplace or not mentor them.  If we decide all men are bad - which somehow gives them an out - in a way, then we have simply put a curtain over the problem with sweeping generalities.  This is a complex problem.  And we need to deal with it on many levels, but the first one is talking and being open to talking about what harassment is. What gender bias means and how it affects what is happening.   When we have these difficult conversations, we are going to say the wrong thing sometimes.  But if we are willing to do the work and have the conversations we can create a dialogue that allows for growth.  Maybe there is an assumption that we have or an intention we think comes with a comment that isn't true at all.  Maybe a compliment, was simply a compliment.  Maybe it wasn't.  But we have to talk about it.

I grew u pin Missouri where people call you names like "sweetie"  or "honey".  This could be found offensive by an employee.  I know that when a colleague calls me something like that - I don't find it appropriate.  However, I have done that with my employees.  It comes from the affection I have for them much like when I address my family.  It's wrong and I immediately apologize.  If I were a man, this would hold even more meaning to the receiver and possibly the speaker.  The point is that this is a mistake, but not one with malicious intent and while it needs to be addressed and I have learned to not do it, this is a place where a conversation can be had to work to improve the communication rather than banishing the speaker to the depths of uncaring or deviant harasser.  If these words come with physical touching or additional comments - then there may be more to the story.  So either way we need to talk - we need to work - we need to grow and that will build a new workplace and a new society.  But we can't ignore the issue....or the people.